Better listening is critical for all of us in connecting and building relationships.  We all know it is better to understand than be understood.


Author and business consultant, Tom Peters, in his book The Little Big Things talks about listening is a core competency every relationship must possess.


What most people want is to be understood.  Most people want to believe and feel that what they say matters.  How true and critical this is for us in our day to day.


By effective listening, we communicate the value we have for the person’s thoughts.  Listening not only demonstrates care but also understanding their wants.  Listening says- what matters to you is all that matters.


In his book Christopher Ghosts, author Charles McCarry writes about Paul Christopher, a former CIA agent.  He writes “He (Christopher) had learned when he was still very young that if kept quiet, the other person would eventually fill the silence.”  He further states that Christopher claims “everyone has a story to tell, if only you have the patience to wait for it and not get in the way of it.”


Psychologists refer to intentional heartfelt listening with your eyes as listening with the third eye.  Bottom line, if you are thinking about your reply while the other person is talking- you’re not really listening- are you?  Your eyes just might let the secret out.  Oh by the way- a reminder to lose your cell phone when you’re face to face (don’t put it out on the table).  The other person must feel that you believe they are the most important person to you at this time.